You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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