I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
