We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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