So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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