Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
tell me about the eggs
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize