if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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