You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
