On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
