Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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