Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
