Define "chronic" masturbator.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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