Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
