I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
