News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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