was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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