my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
