To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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