Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize