Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
