It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
