Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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