And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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