I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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