Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
