You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
