Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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