yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
