I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
