I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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