It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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