he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
