I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize