she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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