thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
