just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just forgot I was standing up.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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