You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
