remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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