Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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