also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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