Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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