Did you just see the Batmobile???
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
