I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
