Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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