I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
