I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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