Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
