Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
