I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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