First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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