My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
