Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
