"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
