I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You ate ashes out of my bong
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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