I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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