whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
