i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
