Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
