I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
