Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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