I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
sex in a hospital.. check
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize