Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
