Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Houston, we have a squirter
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
