therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
