Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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