I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
