It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
