I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
