I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
