a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
