Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
