after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
