The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
