I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
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