plz talk dirty to me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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