I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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