I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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