i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
