....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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