Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
