Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
