You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
