Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
why didn't you poke me back
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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