Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Two words: blizzard sex
i believe in u and ur pee
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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