Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
